Many, many moons ago, I lived in town with the first wife. It wasn’t a very good neighborhood. We were in a little enclave between the blacks, the hookers and the druggies. I had a little sympathy for the hookers, but not the other two. If anyone wants to call me racist or judgmental for that comment, go for it. One day as I was sweeping the walk in front of my apartment (yes, you read that right), a young woman drove by blowing her horn, smiling, hollering and waving. Being the country bumpkin that I am, I waved back automatically. Then I noticed the writing on her car that said “just divorced,” and the strings of beer cans dragging behind the rear bumper.
My first reaction was mild amusement (and a little sympathy, since I was beginning to learn what a bad marriage could be like). Next, it struck me as being sort of low class to carry on so over that particular subject. Then came sadness, that her life had been so miserable, and that the lives of others may have been equally so. I wondered how many lives that not just the bad marriage, but also the divorce would affect—the spouse who may (or may not) have been given an even break, any kids that may have been involved, and parents who may have dreamed of happiness for their married children. Even friends and siblings are affected by a divorce. All those thoughts came to me as the girl drove the half-block to the corner and turned out of sight.
That memory came back to me a while back when my stepson told me of doing a “divorce party” in his karaoke and D.J. business. The party was being thrown by one recently divorced woman who invited all of her divorced friends. I think he said that there were a couple dozen or so. There was drinking, I’m sure, though he doesn’t drink, thank goodness. They had him play all the “cheating songs” they could think of, and anything else that seemed relevant. They had no use for their ex’es, but acted perfectly fine towards him. Once again, it was amusing at first thought, and then seemed sort of low-class. I had some sympathy for them, having been through a divorce myself in the intervening years. Still, I had to wonder how many would spend the next lonely evening getting friendly with some guy who was supposedly “available.” Once again the ending emotion was a certain sadness for the whole bunch.
You see, there can be multiple “losers” in a divorce, but there are NEVER any “winners,” and those who think they are, merely fool themselves. The best thing is to act more wisely and chose more wisely before getting married in the first place (especially the second time around). The only thing anyone can do in a divorce is to be a survivor. © 2013-