A young couple a few doors down is going through some problems, and since they never read my blog that I know of, I think it’s safe for me to spout off a bit.
Let’s be honest, if we’re married, we’ve had ‘em (or will). The first thing couples usually start fighting about is money. In fact most first divorces are over money. Besides having different priorities with money, a couple often simply doesn’t have enough to go around when they’re first married. I was married once before many years ago. We divorced over money. I was completely nonchalant about it (though I was a very hard worker) and she was completely obsessed (but was a hard worker, too). It was kind of hard to make those two extremes meet in the middle.
My second wife and I are much more versatile; we can fuss about ANYTHING! Still, for the first few years of our marriage, most of our fights were over her son. She was an over-protective and overly controlling widow when I married her, and I understand much of what made her that way. Surprisingly to some, it was usually ME trying to get HER to ease up on the kid! I told her on more than one occasion that if she DIDN’T ease up on him, that he would eventually walk out the door and never look back. And that’s basically what he’s done. I can’t exactly blame him, but he’s cheating himself now, just like she cheated him then.
It should come as no surprise then that fighting over STEPCHILDREN is the cause of most SECOND divorces. Most folks are overly protective of their own children and overly critical of the spouse’s kids. Another surprisingly common, though seldom mentioned situation, though, is where one spouse wants the other to love and support and take responsibility for his or her children, but thinks the spouse should then have no say in the raising of those kids. That’s not only unfair, but unrealistic.
Simply living under the same roof makes those children that spouse’s business. If that spouse learns to love that child as his or her own, being separated from any decision-making about the child is doubly unfair. And certainly, if a spouse helps to financially support a child, they should automatically have some say in that child’s welfare.
What most parents refuse to consider, is that they took a vow before God to love and honor their spouse and stay together for life. The only exceptions that God allows for divorce is adultery, and having an unsaved spouse who doesn’t want you. Understand: you are not married to your children! Yes, you should love them and take good care of them, but God designed them to grow up and move out. Don’t wreck your marriage fussing over control issues or everyone will suffer, including the children.
Most people, even Christians, refuse to accept this, But God comes first, your SPOUSE comes next, and your children come THIRD. Everything else just has to be sifted out by circumstances. If you’re currently having any such problems right now, please give it a lot of thought and a WHOLE LOT OF PRAYER. © 2013