Friday, September 16, 2016

Fat Guy Jeans

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Like a lot of fat folks, I didn’t start out that way (see photo at bottom of post); things just sort of crept up on me. Even during my teen years, work on the farm and sawmill kept me reasonably trim and muscular. My uncle had a clothing store downtown at the time, and I bought a lot of my clothes there. His son (10-15 years older than I) worked there and was often the one to fit me. (Remember those days, when stores had seamstresses?) He always laughed and told me that I had a “nigger butt.” I was wide enough in the shoulders, and less so through my stomach and hips, and actually a bit narrow front to back through the waist. He was right about my butt, though. Needless to say, as my belly got bigger over the years, so did my backside. I guess that makes me better balanced, front to back, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing.

Starting about 20 years ago, most stores quit carrying sizes for fat guys. There was only one place left in town where I could still get jeans and, sadly, they were made in China. I always got about three sizes too large, so I’d have plenty of room in the seat and thighs. Then, the manufacturer got the bright idea of cutting 8 inches of fabric from the seat and 4 from each thigh. They no longer fit well enough to be worth buying. I checked even larger sizes, but they keep the same seat and thigh sizes and just blow out the waist.

SO, I found ONE place on the internet (DXL) that stocked what was supposed to be my size. Knowingly, I STILL ordered a waist size 6 inches larger than I should require. The jeans came in two days ago. They SEEMED to fit at first. They didn’t give me as much room as I expected, but standing there, they felt okay and my wife said that they looked good. They COULD have used a couple more belt loops. It always amazes me that companies add inches to the waist, but never add belt loops. They sure try to save money in strange places.

Then I tried to squat to put the leash on the dog. It might have worked if she was an Irish wolfhound, but there was no way that those jeans were going to let me put a leash on a dachshund. Then, I went to put my wallet in my hip pocket and there WAS none. My wife assured me that there was, but it was clear around just at the back of my hip bone. When I went to put my penknife and keys in my front pockets, I discovered that they, too, were around by my hipbone, only about two inches in front of my “back” pockets. Plus they were barely big enough to put my hand in. I guess I’ll keep them, since the only pair of jeans I own that isn’t patched currently NEEDS patched. I won’t be ordering any more of this type, though. I thought that it was interesting that they were made by Wrangler, yet Wrangler’s website doesn’t list anything beyond 6 sizes below what I ordered. If I ever get the money to spare, maybe I’ll try their carpenter jeans, but I suspect they’ll fit even worse. I realize that some fat guys are buttless wonders, buy I ain’t one of them!

Maybe I’ll just get me some burlap bags at the feed store and start making myself burlap kilts to wear. THAT should certainly raise a few eyebrows! © 2016

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14 comments:

Marian Love Phillips said...

I see your picture now and was not on FB. Yes, we were all young and slim at one time. A cute picture of you, Gorges! :) Remember when!

Gorges Smythe said...

Yeah, Marian, it was late and my brain wasn't in gear on Facebook.

Fredd said...

Go ahead with your burlap plans, Gorges. Then when heads turn when you walk (or waddle) into the room, you simply call it 'Gunny Sack Chic.'

Pumice said...

You need to go "gangsta". From what I observe the semi-shorts they wear are incredibly baggy and made of stretch material to boot. Of course it might look like you are in your underwear all day but they might be comfortable. One problem I also had was finding big sizes in tall. You would think there are enough people in large sizes to produce a market. Maybe this is a business opportunity.

Grace and peace.

Sixbears said...

As another fat guy, I feel your pain. Very difficult to get pants of any sort that are cut half way decent. They aren't jeans, but I had decent luck with dockers. There are no men's stores around here so I have to order on-line and you know what I paid that is.

Tried to order some boots on-line. The hiking sandals I bought from the same company fit really well, but no luck at all with the boots. I take a size 14 but it felt like I'd need one of their size 15 -if they went that high.

Joy said...

well, even though they aren't 'attractive', perhaps overalls would work for you? I know I've seen some guys not button the side buttons, so they would have more room around the waist. Besides, there a ton of pockets and storage areas on overalls.

Gorges Smythe said...

LOL - Wouldn't folks be shocked, Fredd? They probably lock me up!

What I find interesting, Pumice, is that there are are folks even way bigger than I, and they don't go around naked. I think stores are missing a lot of business by only stocking "normal" sizes. Then again, maybe they don't want the stigma of fat folks being in their stores.

Yeah, Sixbears, shoes are a whole other subject!

Id' have done that LONG ago, Joy, were it not for my persnickety wife.

kissesmylove said...

i had a good giggle reading this, Gorges....

Yikes... !... they make ' big girls ' clothes, that are fashionable.

i don't know.. i look at chris christie, and he's a very large cat, to me... he prolly finds some nice threads...

good day...

love and peace

Joy said...

well, I have to go along with your wife on this one (overalls being a no-no). I wouldn't allow my husband to wear them either. At least not yet.

Gorges Smythe said...

If you have enough money, kml, you can always have them custom made.

Now Joy, if they were good enough for Junior Samples, they're good enough for me! lol

Joy said...

Gloom, despair, and agony on me!

Joy said...

well, okay, maybe you're allowed to wear overalls if your phone number is BR-549.

Lady Locust said...

Can you spell T-O-G-A? Heehee. I actually don't know what's wrong with overalls. Save your funny pocketed jeans for going to town. Though the kilt idea is good too😄 Have a great day.

Gorges Smythe said...

My theme song, Joy, and I don't have that phone number, but I've the right physique.

Actually, LL, if I were single, I'd seriously think about a kilt and leggings for woods wandering.