Wednesday, June 27, 2018

A Troubling Dream And Afterthoughts

I took my usual nap this afternoon and, as is often the case, I dreamed during that time. I don’t usually remember them for long, but my last one, though short, was troubling. I won’t go into details, except to say that it involved hurting a relative’s feelings due to them misunderstanding something I said. It tied in, though, to one of my old age pursuits and my life in general.

It’s disappointing to realize just how wasted most of my life has been. The problem began at age 13 when, though somewhat spiritually awakened, I made no decision for Jesus. I could say that I didn’t have the right people around me at the time to give me a nudge in the right direction, but that would be only partly true. The decision was mine to make and I didn’t make it. I didn’t get saved until age 28, 15 years later. I paid a heavy price for the lack of that decision.

You can try telling such stories to a young person, but they never listen; only older people who’ve lived through some bad decisions of their own understand. Some important life decisions are made between the ages of 13 and 28, and the remainder of your life will usually be shaped by them.

One thing is choosing your friends, which I did none-to-wisely in most cases. That, in turn, affects the other people you meet and many of your mental attitudes about things. Good friends lead you in good directions, bad friends lead you in bad directions. Understand again, that every decision was ultimately my own to make, so I’m not blaming those friends, they probably did the best they could with the raising they had. I, on the other hand, should have known better.

One decision that usually comes during those years is who you spend your life with. My picks of who I didn’t spend my life with, as well as who I did, were poorly made. All involved were good people, but only one was suitable for an oddball like me, and she wasn’t one I picked. I’ve paid the price, and I don’t think her life turned out so well either.

Also, what you make your life’s work, whether you meet your responsibilities to others and whether you remain true to yourself all enter in. I didn’t do too badly on the second one, but I didn’t do so well on the first and third. As a result, I’ve pretty much been a failure, financially, socially and spiritually. Only in my old age has the latter improved much.

I normally try to remember my home “up yonder,” rather cry over long ago spilt milk, but every once in a while, something brings my past foolishness to mind. I’m not ready to leave this life yet, and probably never will be, but it’s still good to know that there’s a better one coming. Father YAHWEH and Yeshua (Jesus) are waiting for me on the other side, along with some loved ones who’ve gone on before me. It will be okay, then, whenever the Lord says “come.” For now, though, it’s back to informing the proles and encouraging my fellow believers. Copyright 2018


Lady Locust said...

I heard something quite some time back so won't be able to be very accurate, but... About 80% of men commit felonies between the ages of 18-25, but only about 5% get caught (pay the consequences.) That kinda stuck in my head even though I'm sure those numbers are off. Think of the difference in the lives of those who pay the price and those who get away with it. All of us have made mistakes. I suppose I'm just thankful they've been no worse than they were. Someday God will let us know why we are on this path.

Vicki said...

I prefer to think of my mistakes as 'learning experiences.' Don't be too hard on yourself, Gorges. We all do dumb things and we all do good things. It all evens out in the end.

buddeshepherd said...


deborah harvey said...

i was ruing the past and said i wished i could go back and redo the idiotic things.
the wise lady to whom i said this answered that if we went back and corrected the mistakes we would certainly make different ones, because we would still be the same foolish people .
imagine how our mother Eve repented, especially when her son killed his brother and she realized what had been brought into the world.
talk about regret!
we are what we are. and God made us. He knows what He is doing.

Ralph Goff said...

Just for a change I am going to make a positive comment. Just think of that classic movie, "Its a Wonderful Life" and try to imagine how many people's lives you have affected in a positive way. You might not think it but I bet you made a difference. I think we all do.

Gorges Smythe said...

Well, LL, I don't remember any felonies, but I got away with several misdemeanors, thankfully.

True enough, Vicki. Thanks.

Good to hear from you Budd. You need to post something!

I'll mostly agree, dh, but we're also what we choose to be.

No doubt you're right, Ralph. I'm just saying that for the opportunities I've had. I've done rather poorly.