Friday, August 10, 2018

Things I’ve Learned By Watching Westerns


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Most of us have no real idea what life was like for those optimistic souls that went west to settle the continent. Therefore, we must learn from the accurate and always trustworthy and well-researched productions that have come out of Hollywood over the decades. Below are some things I’ve learned:

Guns were mostly carried when not needed, but were often nowhere to be found when times got desperate. For instance, most women carried derringers or pocket pistols, but always left them at home if there was the slightest chance they’d be kidnapped or ravished by a local pervert.

Rifles were unneeded, as shots at galloping horsemen 500 yards away made with a pistol always connected.

No-one ever reloaded the empty chambers of a pistol, yet they often would fire a dozen rounds the next time needed. In fact, they might fire DOZENS of times, unless the threat was immediate, then they’d either come to the fired chambers or the gun would jam.

No DECENT man would ever draw first in a gun-fight, even law men. Yet, despite scientists saying that action is always faster than reaction, they always outdrew the bad guys.

Gut shots on men were always immediately fatal, yet animals shot likewise would be tracked for miles.

Most good guys are better shots than most bad guys, unless the good guys were store-keepers or sod-busters.

Pistols shot with more power if you gave them a downward flip as you shot, while they were more accurate if you blinked as you pulled the trigger.

If you were a law man, it was common decency to turn your back on any man that you were arresting, so the guy would have a sporting chance and conk you over the head with a chair or a piece of firewood.

If there was a “dead or alive” reward on a man, you could carry his blanket-wrapped carcass 400 miles through the dessert without anyone wrinkling their nose from the smell when you rode into town. In fact, they’d press in close to admire your prize.

No-one ever carried a shovel on their saddle, but they always managed to dig graves when needed.

Most people riding across the dessert never bothered to take more than a quart of water for them to share with their horse.

Now understand, there’s a lot more to learn, but I wanted to leave YOU something to watch for. Copyright 2018
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5 comments:

Ralph Goff said...

I've watched a lot of the old westerns on TCM. Always amuses me to see guys using their handguns as if they were casting a fishing line.

Lady Locust said...

Bahahaha 😂

Gorges Smythe said...

Yeah, Ralph, it's all in the wrist. - lol

Glad you found it amusing, LL! ;-)

Sunnybrook Farm said...

I learned that you can go days without a trip to the bathroom or even a tree. You never have to change your clothes, they can be worn for years.
They had to throw the cap and ball colts back with a snap of the wrist when cocking as it would fling the old cap out of the mechanism and prevent a jam but there was no reason to do this with a cartridge revolver.

Gorges Smythe said...

You're right about the cap and ball pistols, SF, and that's what most cowboys carried. However, the movies show everyone carrying peacemakers. Don't it figure? - lol